Gift or Not to Gift

Keep in mind that when we are retired, there is no easy way to replenish the money in our accounts. We are not working or any work we do perform is often poorly paid. It is therefore a bad idea to gift our children or grandchildren with large sums of money. Even making a loan is chancy.
One thing that may not come to mind is that if you were to need to apply to Medicaid for assistance there may be consequences to giving money to family members. Many states will look at your monthly income, your resources and how you have spent your money for the last number of years. In New Jersey, the look back at spending patterns is five years. If you have given money away, it will delay your ability to receive assistance.
This will also apply to your house. You may sell it to a child or family member but do not just sign it over in an attempt to continue to live there.

Taking Care of Yourself While Helping Your Aging Relatives

It is not uncommon to find people caring for aging relatives while they are trying to prepare for their own retirement or even when they are retired themselves. It takes thought, planning and ingenuity to manage to continue to accumulate money for your own retirement while you are in the position of helping your relatives. It is not news that the longer someone is retired, the greater the influence of inflation. We sometimes find that we need to provide financial support and this needs to be approached carefully.
Whenever possible, look for a low cost or free means of providing support. Check with insurance carriers to be sure which goods or services are covered under the policy. Also verify what pre-certification is needed and what documentation  is required. (receipts, doctor's order, etc)  If there is a need for home modification and money is tight, try the local carpenter's union. There may be an apprentice who can do the work for a smaller fee as a part of what needs to be learned to become a journeyman. Also, check with trade schools for students who need a project.
Remember that there is always more than one way to accomplish a task.

Writing your Medical and Financial Power of Attorney

It is advisable to write a will with the help of an attorney and to write a medical power of attorney and a financial power of attorney. These legal documents will help you and your family handle issues when they crop up with a minimum of confusion.

An attorney friend of mine recently told me that she often needs to convince people that they need to not worry about offending someone. You need to make a choice regarding who you trust to make medical or financial decisions on your behalf if you are not able. If you talk it over with the person accepting the responsibility before the documents are signed you will be sure to have some one who is willing to help.

After the documents are signed, take the time to sit down with other interested parties to let them know what decisions have been made and to help them to understand that you still love them but you have asked X to take the responsibility for your own reasons. You will probably find that everyone is relieved that choices have been made and a plan is in place.

Caring for Relatives with Special Challenges

I have just become aware of the death of the husband of a friend. While this is very sad, he was 85 and had been ill for sometime. He died at home and no extraordinary measures were taken. The problem left behind is that his wife, my friend, has challenges that make it very hard for her to handle the day to day responsibilities to keep the bills paid and the house maintained. She is 60 and is a person with Asberger’s syndrome which is often described as a high function type of autism.

Fortunately, there is a will and she has two step-sons who will be able to assist her and possibly become conservators for her and the estate.  I am aware of another situation where this was not the case and the lack of a will complicated matters so that nothing was settled for nearly a year. This wait occurred while the intellectually challenged son of the deceased struggled regarding his own care and living arrangements. In that case, the nephew of the challenged person was able to step in to help.

If you are aware of a person with intellectual challenges, the challenges presented by autism spectrum disorder or physical challenges due to mobility issues and are close enough to pose the questions, be nosy. Ask if arrangements have been made. Offer to help find the proper attorney. If this person is in your family, take the time to be part of the solution.

Where should the Aging live?

As we approach the end of life, we may find that it is no longer possible to attend to our daily needs without assistance. Sometimes this occurs gradually as we age and sometimes we have an event that creates a significant change quickly. In either case, a decision needs to be made regarding where we will live, in our own home with assistance, with one of our children (or other relative) or in a facility. Each of these options has benefits and drawbacks.

Living in our own home with help has much to recommend it from the comfort point of view. It can also be less expensive or significantly more expensive depending on how the help is supplied. If family members are able and willing to provide the support there are health care professionals available to provide whatever training may be needed. This is the least expensive in terms of money and can be expensive in time and effort of unpaid caregivers. If there are limited financial resources or limited family supports this may be the only long term solution.

Living with children or other relatives can be a solution that appeals to all involved or may be an emotional situation with potholes like a road at the end of a hard winter. Because of the level of mobility in our lives, relatives may not be living near enough to make the move an easy one and we may feel like guests in a new living situation. If there are strong relationships and open lines of communication this can be satisfying for everyone involved. Even if this necessitates a move of a great distance it is possible that this is the best choice for all. Multiple generation living arrangements can be good for all involved with guidance from health care providers as needed.

Living in a facility may be a good choice if there is money enough to pay for the care, particularly if the “ancestral home” can be sold to provide support for part of the cost. There are many facilities that provide effective, safe care as independent living (an apartment with access to a communal dining room), assisted living with a few more services or a complete nursing care facility. Despite fears to the contrary most of these facilities are safe and effective. You need only be observant to be assured that all is well.  

Scams and the Aging

There are plenty of unscrupulous individuals out there who have no second thoughts about scamming Granny and PopPop.  Besides the emotional stress, embarrassment and immediate financial set back from being taken advantage of, the older adult will have a great deal of difficulty recouping money lost to a scammer.

The lonely senior citizen, particularly the female senior citizen is a prime target for the type of lowlife who will smother her/him with verbal and sometimes physical affection and take as much money as can be pried out of the bank account. If this is happening, get help from the police and others to stop the drain on resources. This will be as difficult as getting your loved one out of a cult. Prevention is not easy but if you can keep your senior connected to friends and family you will be able to limit loneliness that makes them vulnerable.

Seniors also are targets because they want to help. The varieties of scams are numerous and are updated regularly. Remember that the bank and the police do not need your help to catch the dishonest teller or the officer on the take. Do what you can to help your senior understand that it is best to report this to the authorities before any money changes hands.

Remember that no reputable contest requires fees to be paid in order to collect the prize, you also will not be likely to win a prize in a contest you did not enter.

This list of types of scams is by no means extensive. Keeping in mind that something for nothing will leave you with nothing.