Making a list for the inevitable

Just the other day, a neighbor made reference to her list of who to contact in the event of her death. I asked for additional information and she told me that she has a single sheet of paper on which she has listed the people who need to be notified when she dies. This includes her family and friends but also includes business contacts such as the Electric Company, her bank and other entities that may need to know that the inevitable event has occurred.
If you were to fill in the worksheets in "Assisting Our Aging Parents and Patients" most of these contacts would be listed. It is a good idea to make such a list and to update it on a regular basis.

Trust But Verify

Everyone who is old enough to vote is old enough to have a will. Power of Attorney documents should also be set up at the same time as well as Advance Directives. These should all be reviewed every 5 years or so or when there is a significant change in circumstances.
What sometimes happens is that sometimes there is family strife and seniors may be told that Person A is now in charge of the money and medical decisions. Don't take this at face value. Insist on seeing the documents in question and verify the signatures. Bear in mind that a document is not enforceable if the person signing away rights is not competent to do so. If your estranged relative has signed over control of finances to someone after they have been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's challenge the documents through your attorney. This is especially important if you feel that this person does not have your best interests in mind.

Gift or Not to Gift

Keep in mind that when we are retired, there is no easy way to replenish the money in our accounts. We are not working or any work we do perform is often poorly paid. It is therefore a bad idea to gift our children or grandchildren with large sums of money. Even making a loan is chancy.
One thing that may not come to mind is that if you were to need to apply to Medicaid for assistance there may be consequences to giving money to family members. Many states will look at your monthly income, your resources and how you have spent your money for the last number of years. In New Jersey, the look back at spending patterns is five years. If you have given money away, it will delay your ability to receive assistance.
This will also apply to your house. You may sell it to a child or family member but do not just sign it over in an attempt to continue to live there.

Pets and the Aging - Part II

Having a pet is often a very good thing for us as we age. This is especially true for those of us who live alone. The companionship is comforting and being responsible for an animal is a reason to get up in the morning. Unfortunately, there can be too much of a good thing. In the last two weeks there have been at least three separate hoarding events in the news that involved animals.
The most common types of animals involved in these cases are cats or dogs. They are easy to collect and if they are not spayed or neutered they will produce new litters regularly. Many towns and cities have ordinances that limit the number of pets someone can own. There is a very good reason for this. Both the animals and the people will soon find themselves in an unsanitary and unhealthy situation if there are more than the home and grounds can reasonably handle. Cats and dogs need room to move around, a suitable place for them to "do their business" and a clean place for food and water. Cramming large numbers of animals in a small space is not fair to the animals or the people involved.
If your family member is hoarding animals, give them the opportunity to find homes for the excess animals. If this is not going to happen without intervention, call the animal control office. They will come and remove the animals and provide you with information regarding the next steps to take.d

Power Of Attorney for Health Care

I have recently been asked about assisting with getting a man transferred from one treatment facility to another. The problem is that the lady asking for help is not the person named in the POA (power of attorney) that this gentleman executed several years ago. Another issue is that the person named as POA does not have a copy of the document and was unaware that he had been named. Additionally, he lives on the Pacific coast while the person needing assistance is on the Atlantic coast. Thankfully, the gentleman needing help is able to give consent to the move.
There are several problems in this scenario that could have been avoided. Always notify the person you name as your healthcare proxy and provide them with the original of the document. You should keep a copy for your own records. It is also advisable to name someone who is geographically close so that they can get to you quickly in the event you need to activate the healthcare proxy. The need to have someone make healthcare decisions on your behalf may occur suddenly (accident, stroke, loss of consciousness) or over a longer period of time. The person will not know if you need help if they only see you a couple of times a year and talk on the phone once or twice a month. If you have a sudden change in your condition, decisions will need to be made quickly.

Finding an Appropriate Living Arrangement - Part 2

Last time I alluded to the challenges presented by KS's supposedly adult stepchildren. She has a life estate for the house. This means that she may stay in the house until she chooses to leave but the house will become the property of her stepsons if she moves to another home. Unfortunately, her stepsons and their wives are pushing her attorney to push her to leave the home as soon as possible. They are being everything but helpful.
These young men are prime examples of how to NOT handle your parent's second spouse. While there are those who prey on vulnerable seniors this is still the exception rather than the rule. You need to step back and put your first response in neutral to review the reality with a minimum of emotion in the mix.
Questions to ask yourself include: Is this person good to my parent? Does my parent appear to genuinely care for this person? If this is a union based on financial benefits, do they both benefit? Are they better together than separately?
It is also best to set greed aside in these situations. If there is a particular object you want to have from the house and it was left to the surviving spouse, ask nicely. If they do not want to give it up right away, maybe they will leave it to you in their will. If they feel that they need to sell items to provide for living expenses, ask to be offered the items before anyone else. Of course, if your step parent is reduced to sell items to make ends meet, you may consider how much more help you should try to offer.
All in all, talk to each other, open the lines of communication and try to see in this person what your parent did.

Writing your Medical and Financial Power of Attorney

It is advisable to write a will with the help of an attorney and to write a medical power of attorney and a financial power of attorney. These legal documents will help you and your family handle issues when they crop up with a minimum of confusion.

An attorney friend of mine recently told me that she often needs to convince people that they need to not worry about offending someone. You need to make a choice regarding who you trust to make medical or financial decisions on your behalf if you are not able. If you talk it over with the person accepting the responsibility before the documents are signed you will be sure to have some one who is willing to help.

After the documents are signed, take the time to sit down with other interested parties to let them know what decisions have been made and to help them to understand that you still love them but you have asked X to take the responsibility for your own reasons. You will probably find that everyone is relieved that choices have been made and a plan is in place.

Caring for Relatives with Special Challenges

I have just become aware of the death of the husband of a friend. While this is very sad, he was 85 and had been ill for sometime. He died at home and no extraordinary measures were taken. The problem left behind is that his wife, my friend, has challenges that make it very hard for her to handle the day to day responsibilities to keep the bills paid and the house maintained. She is 60 and is a person with Asberger’s syndrome which is often described as a high function type of autism.

Fortunately, there is a will and she has two step-sons who will be able to assist her and possibly become conservators for her and the estate.  I am aware of another situation where this was not the case and the lack of a will complicated matters so that nothing was settled for nearly a year. This wait occurred while the intellectually challenged son of the deceased struggled regarding his own care and living arrangements. In that case, the nephew of the challenged person was able to step in to help.

If you are aware of a person with intellectual challenges, the challenges presented by autism spectrum disorder or physical challenges due to mobility issues and are close enough to pose the questions, be nosy. Ask if arrangements have been made. Offer to help find the proper attorney. If this person is in your family, take the time to be part of the solution.

It's Too Good to be True

Have you ever had an offer that was just too good but you had to make up your mind right away, the offer won’t last? You can be sure that such an offer is really too good to be true. It is 99.9% sure to be a scam. The good offer will be available for today, tomorrow and next week.  Avoiding scams by applying this as a gauge will help you or your loved one to hold onto your hard earned money.

Common elements of scams are that the money you are to have at the end of the transaction is a wind fall for you and the scammer, you need to spend money to get the money and there is a slightly underhanded feel to the whole thing. There is NO logical reason why someone you have never met, living in Nigeria (or other third world country) needs your help to get a large sum of money out of the country. One new twist on the Nigerian scam is to involve a reference to the FBI that implies that you will be arrested if you do not respond. There is nothing to fear from the FBI if you have done nothing wrong, you know nothing about this money, don’t fall for this one.

More on other scams next post.

Legal Documents

It is true that most of us will execute a will at some time in our lives but we can easily wait longer than we should. If you are old enough to vote, you are old enough to need a will. Along with a will, it is also a good idea to create a power of attorney(POA) for legal and financial matters and a health care POA so that you choose the person or persons you trust to step in if you are incapacitated. As young persons, our parents are the logical persons to designate but our needs change over time. These documents should be reviewed at least every ten years and when a life changing event occurs.

At the same time we meet with an attorney to create our wills and POA’s it is a good idea to create an Advance directive for health care that puts your desires into writing. Last week, during a conversation with a friend who happens to be an attorney, it was suggested that you be sure to include what interventions you want in the event of a traumatic event. The likelihood of recovery from trauma as opposed to disease is much better and more aggressive treatment may be to your advantage.