End of Life

There is a great deal of discussion on the TV news shows concerning end of life concerns and the effect of the discussion on those involved (the identified patient and the family) The significant thing that we seem to have lost track of in the US is that death in NOT an unnatural event. Another point to keep firmly in mind is that the decision to treat or not to treat lies largely with the patient. Doctors are hard wired to try to treat patients and to keep people alive. Sometimes this overflows to an at all cost effort. There needs to be a balance treatment to promote healing versus treatment to prolong dying. Quantity versus quality is the ultimate question to be addressed by the patient, the family and the healthcare providers.

Attitudes toward death and dying shift over time and the discussion needs to be revisited from time to time. Remember that there will always be decisions to be made, the goal is to have a framework in place to provide guidance to the family if the patient is no longer able to be involved in the process.

Day to Day

As we age, it is important to keep as active as possible. The more we move around, the better we are. It can become a challenge to get to the gym or the pool and our aging relatives will be well served if we can find a way to promote physical activity.

We need to keep in mind the usual level of activity and be sure that we don’t push our relative or friend to exceed their own capacity for exercise. If you have never been a runner but want to enter the New York Marathon, take the time to find a trainer. If you have always been a runner but have never run a marathon it would still be a good idea to work with a trainer. Remember that some activity is better than no activity and take it slowly if you want to ramp it up.

Sometimes you only need a little help to stay involved in an activity that has always been of interest, sometimes you need to abandon an activity and substitute something else. Also, sometimes you need to explore alternative methods of continuing to be involved in activity when your status changes due to a change in medical status.

Why the blog?

There are many issues that need to be addressed in order to be sure that we know what our aging relatives want and to be sure that those who will be caring for us are well informed. These are generally divided into seven topics; medical social, legal, financial, end of life concerns, safety and day to day concerns. This blog is intended to help people find the questions that should be addressed and to point up potential way to begin the conversation.

These topics are best discussed early and often. People’s choices change over time. Legal matters change as well as medical procedures and other treatment. My mother asked me to promise that we would put her in a nursing home if she began to need assistance with daily activities such as bathing, dressing, cooking and keeping her environment clean. This was when I was 10, just after my Grandmother died. By the time she had reached 70, her attitude had changed.  We knew this because we were able to discuss these issues openly.

The goal here is to help you to get the conversation started and keep it going over time.

Weather emergencies

The recent weather emergency highlights the need to keep in touch with our aging relatives, indeed all those who live alone. It may take only a phone call or it may require a bit more effort but it is important that we make certain that folks are safe in their own homes.

Power will sometimes go off leaving our relative without light, heat or a means to safely prepare food. Checking by phone will give us the information we need. Planning to have your relative with you before the storm will limit the likelihood that they will be in danger.

If there is a great deal of snow we need to be sure that someone clears the sidewalks and driveway. It is very challenging for us to recognize our limitations regarding shoveling.

Getting started

There are as many routes to the objective (safety and sanity) as there are families taking the journey. Just as you plan a trip, I hope to help you plan your path through your relative’s older years. Looking at the map to plan your route and to check for alternate pathways is an excellent way to be sure that your trip is as smooth as possible. Planning for your family’s older years will have much the same outcome if you take the time to plan for the journey and anticipate obstacles you may face along the way.

            Because each family has its own individual ideas regarding the perfect trip, this book is much more interested in asking the questions you need to answer in order to plan your route to reach your own best destination. Do you want to take the scenic route, the most direct path, or something in between? The Interstate is often faster with convenient exits for Moneyville, Social City, and Health Care Commons, but there is more to see on the local pathways. The journey may take more time and effort but it can also be more of an adventure to travel the side roads. Your route will be chosen to meet you and your family’s individual needs.