KS has moved into the assisted living facility she chose about 2 weeks ago. With her challenges this is moving at light speed. New clothing was purchased during a whirlwind shopping trip in one evening. More will need to be purchased but we can now take our time and only purchase small quantities as needed. She left all of her clothing at the old house and will need new clothing for each season as we move through the year.
New furniture was purchased with her room in mind and it fits wonderfully. The way her husband's will is set leaves all of the furniture in the house to her stepsons. That combined with the level of contamination in the house makes the furniture unusable without decontamination. The new furniture has been a wonderful option for her and she is having fun deciding how it will be arranged.
The new computer is set up and we need only buy a USB cable to connect the printer. This is the last we need to do in the facility and we hope to make today the last walk through of the house before KS leaves for good.
Showing posts with label The Tale of KS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Tale of KS. Show all posts
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Sunday, July 17, 2011
More regarding KS and her saga
KS has made the decision to move to an Assisted Living facility. Now the real fun begins. Because of the unsanitary situation in her home, she will not be bringing any clothing from home to the facility. We will be taking her to purchase all new clothing as well as the furniture pieces she will be using in the facility. All of us helping her have other work obligations and she has been taking up huge amounts of time. With any luck KS will be in the facility by the end of the week and we can scale back how much time we spend. There will be more to be done but the urgency will recede.
This is the kind of situation you may find facing you as someone suddenly needs much more time and attention. Personal relationships may be stressed while you deal with the crisis and you need to keep an eye on maintaining these as well as they need to give you the flexibility to deal with a short term situation.
An additional side to this whole situation is that KS has the resources to "go first class" and working out how to pay for things is not a pressing issue. We will be looking for sale items and ways to conserve money but she will be able to buy with an eye to value for price more so than price alone.
This is the kind of situation you may find facing you as someone suddenly needs much more time and attention. Personal relationships may be stressed while you deal with the crisis and you need to keep an eye on maintaining these as well as they need to give you the flexibility to deal with a short term situation.
An additional side to this whole situation is that KS has the resources to "go first class" and working out how to pay for things is not a pressing issue. We will be looking for sale items and ways to conserve money but she will be able to buy with an eye to value for price more so than price alone.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Making the Move, more in the saga of KS
KS has made the choice to move to an Assisted Living facility. This was not easy for her because she has trouble making decisions, hates/fears change and worries about the cost. In many cases cost will be a significant issue but in the case of KS, she has sufficient funds to make the move.
Now we begin the process of down sizing her belongings. The house she is moving from is a 4 bedroom home with a living room, dining room, family room and kitchen with 2 1/2 baths. The house is also a hoarder's nightmare. KS will be going through the things in the home to choose what she is taking. Because of cleanliness issues, she will only be taking her books and a few other personal objects. This will work for her, if your family is in a similar situation it may not be an easy sell.
Working with someone to move into a small space will require thought and tact. If you have helped them to make the decision to move, try to choose the space first. This will give you the opportunity to measure space available and present concrete limits to what can be moved into the apartment or room. You may even suggest new furniture to fit the new space if there are sufficient resources to accomplish that. Remember that second hand furniture can be a choice if you are careful about checking its condition.
Now we begin the process of down sizing her belongings. The house she is moving from is a 4 bedroom home with a living room, dining room, family room and kitchen with 2 1/2 baths. The house is also a hoarder's nightmare. KS will be going through the things in the home to choose what she is taking. Because of cleanliness issues, she will only be taking her books and a few other personal objects. This will work for her, if your family is in a similar situation it may not be an easy sell.
Working with someone to move into a small space will require thought and tact. If you have helped them to make the decision to move, try to choose the space first. This will give you the opportunity to measure space available and present concrete limits to what can be moved into the apartment or room. You may even suggest new furniture to fit the new space if there are sufficient resources to accomplish that. Remember that second hand furniture can be a choice if you are careful about checking its condition.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Further facts on the Tale of KS
KS is rapidly closing on the day that she will make a decision regarding where she will live. The three significant choices are remaining in her current home with a significant clean-up, assisted living #1 or assisted living #2. We are now dealing with an issue that rises often enough to be almost usual, opinions offered by well meaning but incompletely informed family members.
If you remember, those of us assisting KS are not relatives, we are friends. KS has trouble making decisions and will agree with the last person to talk with her. Two relatives who are unable to understand the degree of the challenges she faces in getting from today to tomorrow are trying to get her to choose a living arrangement that would be suitable for them. Unfortunately this is without understanding her need for supervision, interpersonal interactions, and a need to limit further changes.
There need to be several conversations with these family members to help them to understand that KS is not well served by the conflicting advice and by advice based on incomplete information.
If you remember, those of us assisting KS are not relatives, we are friends. KS has trouble making decisions and will agree with the last person to talk with her. Two relatives who are unable to understand the degree of the challenges she faces in getting from today to tomorrow are trying to get her to choose a living arrangement that would be suitable for them. Unfortunately this is without understanding her need for supervision, interpersonal interactions, and a need to limit further changes.
There need to be several conversations with these family members to help them to understand that KS is not well served by the conflicting advice and by advice based on incomplete information.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Finding the most suitable living arrangement - Part 3
More about the ongoing saga of KS. We went to a continuous care facility on Friday and got a good look at the Assisted Living part of the campus. There are apartments for independent living and a nursing home area for those who need more intense care. It is a lovely facility but not really for KS.
Even though KS has the resources to enter this facility there are issues. The way I found out about this issues was by taking the time to listen to her. Listening to our aging relatives is the best way to understand what they want, what they fear and what they find uncomfortable. In the case of the LG continuous care facility, KS felt that they were too far from the geographic area with which she is familiar (10 miles is too much for her) and the facility has a religious basis that is more rigid than KS would find comfortable.
KS told me all of these things indirectly at first and then more directly when I asked for her opinion directly. If we take the time to ask questions and then listen attentively to the reply we will be able to be supportive of our loved ones need for independence as well as our need for them to be safe. They must be as actively involved in the decision process as they are able.
Even though KS has the resources to enter this facility there are issues. The way I found out about this issues was by taking the time to listen to her. Listening to our aging relatives is the best way to understand what they want, what they fear and what they find uncomfortable. In the case of the LG continuous care facility, KS felt that they were too far from the geographic area with which she is familiar (10 miles is too much for her) and the facility has a religious basis that is more rigid than KS would find comfortable.
KS told me all of these things indirectly at first and then more directly when I asked for her opinion directly. If we take the time to ask questions and then listen attentively to the reply we will be able to be supportive of our loved ones need for independence as well as our need for them to be safe. They must be as actively involved in the decision process as they are able.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Finding an Appropriate Living Arrangement - Part 1
Wow, what a week! Well actually, two weeks. A friend has recently been widowed and since she has no family living close enough to be of help, a couple of us have stepped up to help her deal with the issues resulting from her husband's death.
Her attorney friend is dealing with issues around the estate, her chronologically adult stepchildren and the utter chaos in the house. RS, her husband had a progressive dementia and began to hoard cats several years ago. Unfortunately, most of the 20 plus cats were feral even though they were in the house. Their waste (and the resulting smell) will need to be removed from the home to restore it to sanitary conditions.
An additional challenge to cleaning up the house is that both of them were hoarders. The house is littered with papers, furniture (she had a home before the marriage) and items that were in the collections that RS had amassed over the years. Add this to the general accumulation of stuff from his being in the house for more than 55 years.
In the midst of this, we have managed to get KS to consider moving to an assisted living facility. She will be living in more sanitary conditions, her meals will be provided and being around people will keep her from becoming socially isolated. We have been to two facilities so far and will look at at least one more before she makes a decision. The problem for KS is that she has mental health issues that make it very hard for her to make choices without second guessing herself. She also has trouble remembering what questions have been answered and what the answers were if she doesn't write it all down.
I will keep you posted as the saga unfolds.
Her attorney friend is dealing with issues around the estate, her chronologically adult stepchildren and the utter chaos in the house. RS, her husband had a progressive dementia and began to hoard cats several years ago. Unfortunately, most of the 20 plus cats were feral even though they were in the house. Their waste (and the resulting smell) will need to be removed from the home to restore it to sanitary conditions.
An additional challenge to cleaning up the house is that both of them were hoarders. The house is littered with papers, furniture (she had a home before the marriage) and items that were in the collections that RS had amassed over the years. Add this to the general accumulation of stuff from his being in the house for more than 55 years.
In the midst of this, we have managed to get KS to consider moving to an assisted living facility. She will be living in more sanitary conditions, her meals will be provided and being around people will keep her from becoming socially isolated. We have been to two facilities so far and will look at at least one more before she makes a decision. The problem for KS is that she has mental health issues that make it very hard for her to make choices without second guessing herself. She also has trouble remembering what questions have been answered and what the answers were if she doesn't write it all down.
I will keep you posted as the saga unfolds.
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