Last time I alluded to the challenges presented by KS's supposedly adult stepchildren. She has a life estate for the house. This means that she may stay in the house until she chooses to leave but the house will become the property of her stepsons if she moves to another home. Unfortunately, her stepsons and their wives are pushing her attorney to push her to leave the home as soon as possible. They are being everything but helpful.
These young men are prime examples of how to NOT handle your parent's second spouse. While there are those who prey on vulnerable seniors this is still the exception rather than the rule. You need to step back and put your first response in neutral to review the reality with a minimum of emotion in the mix.
Questions to ask yourself include: Is this person good to my parent? Does my parent appear to genuinely care for this person? If this is a union based on financial benefits, do they both benefit? Are they better together than separately?
It is also best to set greed aside in these situations. If there is a particular object you want to have from the house and it was left to the surviving spouse, ask nicely. If they do not want to give it up right away, maybe they will leave it to you in their will. If they feel that they need to sell items to provide for living expenses, ask to be offered the items before anyone else. Of course, if your step parent is reduced to sell items to make ends meet, you may consider how much more help you should try to offer.
All in all, talk to each other, open the lines of communication and try to see in this person what your parent did.
Great blog, Lesley! I'm making a link to it on on my desktop. This blog deserves a wide following, and I hope it develops one. This information is so important for folks to know about. -- KH
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