As we are growing up we have the role that we play in the family and these will not change just because we are all grown up. In fact, the roles even become more rigid over time if nothing is done to change the dynamics. We also need to be aware that if one person changes everything else becomes unstable. When a family finds itself in a crisis situation, each person will usually act and react in a well established pattern.
There is the person who is "in charge" who takes care of everyone else and makes sure that what needs to get done gets done. The flaw here is that there is no one to step up if the person needing help is the one who has always been the organizer. This also interferes with other family members learning how to cope for themselves. This person is also less likely to ask for help or to accept help when it it offered.
The person who always finds humor in things can relieve pressure but can also keep folks from taking things as seriously as they should be. This person distracts everyone from the problem because they do not want to face the issue. This family member will find it hard to accept that Mother or Father needs help and may sabotage the efforts of the organizer.
There is also a behavior pattern that distracts from a problem by being a more "urgent" problem. This pattern will pull energy and resources from an aging relative who needs help. If this person has managed to grow out of this pattern it is hard for the family to trust that help offered will be there if it is accepted. Take the time to ask for help from this family member based on recent behavior rather than historic behavior.
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